Brother Mine
by HuntressofHope
Summary: Fili is drowning. Kili is dying. Gold lust is seeping through the seams of the brothers' relationship, and it is all they can do to fight it. But are they strong enough to save each other? "Your brother is dead. I am Fili, King Of Carven Stone! I am the King Under the Mountain! And you, Kili? You are nobody. No one loves you, or ever will." No slash *DISCONTINUED*
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Fili, you need to eat."  
" I can't right now. I'm busy."  
"Busy with what?"  
"…Things." Kili sighed. His brother had been slowly closing himself off from the rest of the company. He hadn't been himself since the end of the battle, and after burying Thorin and his coronation, Fili had put his walls up with no intention of taking them down.

"Fee, you're going to starve yourself. Just one meal?"  
"No Kili. I told you I can't eat." Fili didn't turn from the papers scattered over his desk. Kili put the bowl down and slowly walked behind the desk to grab his brother's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Fili, I want to help you. But I need to know what is going on in your mind. When are you going to tell me what is wrong?" he asked softly.

Fili put his quill down and leaned his head wearily on Kili's arm with a heavy sigh. "Nadadith, you know me better than I know myself. Shouldn't it be me asking you that question?" Fili closed his eyes and leaned his head back further to rest it heavily against his brother's side. Kili gently rubbed Fili's shoulder, trying to ease out the knots that had formed there.

"Well, your first problem is that you are sleeping on your feet. Don't think I haven't noticed you leaving our room at all hours of the night. The second problem is that you are not taking care of yourself. When was the last time you ate a full meal?" Fili didn't answer, except for turning his face further into Kili's side.

"You third problem," Kili went on, "Is that you are completely overworking yourself."

"I don't overwork," Fili mumbled tiredly. "Yes, you do." Kili snapped. "Half the things you do are absolutely unnecessary."

"Like what?"

"Like checking the mining reports. That shouldn't be your job. Someone like Balin or even me can do it just as easily as you can." Kili paused and waited for Fili to say something. His brother didn't respond at all. "Nadad, please," he said softly. "Let me in again. I want to help you in any way I can. I love you too much to let you do this to yourself. You do know that, right?"

Fili nodded tiredly. "Of course I know that Nadadith. I love you too, more than anything. But that's why I can't let you carry my burden. I am eldest, which means I am king – as much as I don't want to be – and therefore these are my problems." He looked up at his brother. "The best way you can help me is simply by doing what you always have: staying by my side."

Kili sighed again, silently cursing his stubborn brother. "Fee, you already know that I will never leave you alone unless you want me too. But I'm not stupid. I know what you're doing. You think that the more you work, the sooner the pain will go away. Well, it won't." he drew in a breath. "Thorin is gone, Fili. _Gone._ There is nothing that will change that." Fili buried his face in his brother's side again and Kili could feel his shoulder shuddering under his hand. "I hate admitting that as much as you do, and you know that. But do you think that if he was here, he would want you to be like this? Working yourself so hard that you collapse from exhaustion?" Fili slowly shook his head and reached up to grab the hand resting his shoulder.

"I don't know what else to do Kee," he whispered. "If I don't work, I'm flooded with painful memories. When I'm with the company, everything reminds me of him. If I try to train, all I can think of is growing up in the Blue Mountains with him. When I sleep I have nightmares of the battle, of him and Azog. I don't know what else to do Nadadith."

For a while, the two brothers said nothing. Kili didn't want to do anything except be there for his brother, his idol, his rock, his king. Fili wanted nothing but the reassurance that his little brother was there, that he had his back, and that he would always remain the strong-willed, smiling constant in his life. And Kili was more than happy to give that assurance.

Eventually, Kili convinced his brother to eat some of the soup he had brought him. Fili ate about half the bowl before insisting he get back to work. Kili knew it would be pointless to argue, so he left his brother to get absorbed back into the papers scattered about him.

The next morning, Kili woke to an empty room. He looked across from his bed to see Fili's already made up. Fili _never _makes his bed up, he thought with narrowed eyes. He quickly got dressed and went in search of his brother.

He searched the whole morning, looking in studies, the many different libraries, the dining hall, with the company, but Fili was nowhere he looked. Then he spotted the two people that, next to himself, knew Fili better than anybody.

"Balin! Dwalin!" he ran to catch up with them. They turned around and Balin sent him a wide smile.

"Hello there laddie! We missed you at dinner last night." Dwalin grunted in agreement.

"I was trying to get my obstinate brother out of his study. Speakin' of Fee, have you seen him?"

Balin's smile faltered. Kili frowned. "You have, haven't you?" Balin nodded reluctantly.

"He is in the treasury lad. From what the guards tell me he entered about midnight last night and hasn't left yet."

Kili felt his face pale. Fili was in the treasury? But why? Then he shook his head, angry at himself for doubting his brother.

"Fili…Fili is stronger than the previous kings," He said stubbornly. "He will not catch the sickness."

Balin and Dwalin exchanged worried looks. "Still laddie, you may want to check on him."

Kili merely nodded before turning in his heel and tensely walking down into the depths of the mountain. A few minutes later, he found himself looking up at the massive doors of the treasury. The guards watched him with careful, pitying gazes, waiting for him to make his decision. Kili let out a heavy sigh, and nodded at them.

"Open the doors, and let no one in until I come back out." The doors creaked open, and Kili strode in confidently and head held high.

o.o.o. 0-0-0-0-OOOOO.o.o.o.

Kili slowly stumbled over the mountains of gold, calling out his brother's name. Fili wouldn't be hiding in here, would he?

"Fili? Where are you Nadad! Come on, we have things to get done today!" Kili stumbled over the crest of a particularly large pile and came to what he believed what the center of the giant chamber. It was a small valley, so that one could actually see the floor, and seemed to be filled with the more precious pieces of gold and jems. Standing right in the middle of it was none other than Fili.

"Fee? What're you doing in here Brother?" Fili slowly turned around, seemingly surprised to see Kili standing there.

"I never realized…" he started, but the words died in his throat at the scared look on his brother's face. "I'm fine Kee. I came in here because Bard needs more gold for rebuilding Dale and Gloin was too busy to get it for him."

"So you came in here at the most ungodly hours of the night to do Gloin's job?" Kili scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. "Fili son of Dis, I don't believe that for a moment. Don't you dare lie to me."

Fili sent a scowl of his own to the ground. "Fine. I came to bed last night, honest, but I couldn't sleep. I was awake for hours. Finally I decided to go for a walk and ended up here. Happy?"

"No," Kili growled out. "One doesn't just 'end up' in the treasury. Why did you come here Fili? I won't leave you until I get an answer."

"Well what if I don't want to give you an answer? I'm entitled to keeping my own secrets every once in a while!"

"Not when they involve you disappearing into the piles of gold for hours! Not when you are trying your hardest to push me away! Not when I am slowly losing you to…to _this!" _Kili gestured wildly to Fili, who was now standing with fists clenched and teeth grinding.

"Losing me to what, Kili? I am my own person! I don't need you to always be breathing down my neck! _I _am the older brother!_ I_ am the King under the Mountain, Lord of Erebor! I don't need you!" Fili spun around, much like a child throwing a tantrum. "I never needed you! You are the one who needed me! You are weak, Kili! Weak! You use a _bow_ for a weapon! Do you know what a disgrace that is? Having an heir of Erebor use something of elvish make? Do you? You always have resembled an elf more that a dwarf!"

Kili stepped back as if he had been brutally backhanded. Who was this? Who was this dwarf standing before him wearing his brother's face? Fili turned back around, and Kili felt like he could die from the look he was sending him. A mad, cold glint was making its way into Fili's mask of scorn. No, this was not Fili. This was a monster, an infestation, taking over his brother's mind.

"Fili! Will you think about what you are saying! You do not think that! This is not you! This is-"

"Of course this is me! I've _always_ thought you were a…a complete _waste of space_! Everyone would have been better off without you Kili! Nobody needs you! What was your job in the Company? Nothing! You merely came along for the ride!"

"I did not, and you know that! Fili please! I know you! You are not in your right mind! You are not Fili, my brother!"

"You're right," Fili snarled. "I'm not."

Kili gasped, taken back by his brother's words. Fili was glowering at him with absolute hatred. "You're brother is dead. He died with your good for nothing uncle. I am Fili, King Of Carven Stone! King Of Silver Fountains! I am the _King Under the Mountain_! And you? You are nothing. You were Kili, son of Dis, sister-son of Thorin Oakenshield, brother of Fili heir of Thorin. But guess what? Dis is dead! Thorin Oakenshield is dead! And you are no longer my brother! So that means you are NOBODY!" Fili grabbed a large chalice and chucked it at him. Kili jumped to the side with a yelp.

"Fili! Please stop this!" He shouted as Fili threw a large gem at him. "We can fix this! Just…Fili…what…?" Kili broke off as Fili picked up a silver sword. It gleamed in the bronze light as Fili slowly approached him. Kili started backing away, but ended up tripping over the bulky gold. He scrambled backwards, away from this demon.

"I will give you one chance. Leave now, and never let me see your face again, you useless little whelp."

"Fili, what are you doing?"

"Something I should have done a long time ago."

And with that, Fili plunged the sword into his brother's stomach with a sickening cry, and the bond both of them had shared since infancy shattered, along with Kili's heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Dwalin watched with his brother as Kili stalked down the corridor. Once he was out of sight, Balin sighed sorrowfully before turning and continuing on their previous path to the breakfast hall.

"Why didn't ya tell Kili tha Fili has been goin' down there fer months now?" Dwalin nearly growled, but then again, he was always growling.

Balin sighed again and rubbed his eyes tiredly with one hand. "I have a feeling that he will find out for himself soon enough. We have a hard few months ahead of us, brother."

"Aye," Dwalin agreed. He hesitated in following his brother down the hall. "Do ya think mebe I should follow him? Ya know, jus' in case?"

Balin thought for a moment before nodding. "That may be wise. I shall see you sometime later today." With a nod, Balin turned the corner and left Dwalin to follow their prince.

Dwalin trekked through the halls, taking his time. He knew the brothers would need a few minutes to yell everything out before they made up, and he had no interest in watching that. Those arguments between the two heirs of Durin were always the worst, and Dwalin never left without at least five new bruises. But the boys had never seriously injured the other, besides a couple of black eyes and a broken toe, so he wasn't worried in the least.

That was possibly the biggest, stupidest, most devastating mistake of his life.

He was talking with the guards at the treasury doors when he heard the shouting. They halted their conversation and tried to listen in, but the heavy doors muffled the voices. But then they heard the scream.

"Oh Mahal," Dwalin breathed. He would know that scream anywhere, and it didn't sound like a broken toe. "Kili…open these doors. Now!" He boomed when the guards hesitated. But then their worry for their prince won over their orders and they heaved opens the doors.

Dwalin stumbled through the mountains and valleys of gold as fast as he could, struggling to reach the choked sobbing coming from the center of the hall.

He crested the biggest hill, and was met with a sight he knew he, Dwalin son of Fundin, would have nightmares over for a_ long_ time.

"Fili, _what have you done_?" Dwalin could only stare in shock for a few moments at the scene before him. There stood Fili, holding a sword dripping with a thick crimson liquid and staring with a cold indifference at the cold, unmoving mass in front of him. Kili was curled in the fatal position, his body wrapped protectively around his stomach which was gushing the same crimson liquid onto the gold underneath him at an alarming rate. He had tears running down his face, but Dwalin doubted they were from the pain. Fili looked up at Dwalin's shocked, broken expression. No, beyond shock. Dwalin thought for sure he must have died and gone to hell, and this was nothing more than an illusion.

But now was not time to go into shock. Kili was bleeding out rapidly from the wound in his stomach, and Fili was staring at him with gold-tinged blue, almost black eyes. Frerin's eyes, Dis's eyes…Thorin's eyes. No, these were not the eyes of Frerin, Dis, Thorin, or Fili. These were the eyes of a monster, one so powerful that it could conquer the mind of Fili son of Dis, King Under the Mountain.

"Fili, what happened? What in Aule have you done?" Dwalin broke out of his stupor and charged down to kneel gingerly by Kili's side. Fili shrugged nonchalantly. "He was bothering me. I told him to get out, and he wouldn't, and the guards were too far away to hear me."

Now Dwalin was sure he had died and had gone to hell.

"So you stabbed him? You killed Kili, your own brother?" Dwalin was still trying to wrap his mind around the idea. Fili glowered at the sword master.

"That pathetic coward is no brother of mine, nor was he ever. Take the body away, I never want to see it again. And send someone in here to clean this…mess." Fili eyed the crimson stained gold with distaste.

Dwalin sent a glower of his own to the blond monstrosity. "Of course, _king_." He gingerly gathered the dark haired dwarf in his arms, and as slowly as he dared, made his way back over the gold mountains glinting maliciously at him, as if it was giddy beyond belief at having taken another he cared dearly about from him.

* * *

**AN: Hey all! *Huntress ducks behind Legolas to hide from the reader's glares...again...* So I have no idea where this story came from. I was having a major writer's block for my other story and to try to get rid of it, I sat down and started writing...and this popped out...so yeah. Should I continue it? Or is it too cliche? I don't really know. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! And to those of you who thought I would let Kili die alone surrounded by evil gold...shame on you. I'm not that evil...most of the time...**

REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Kili knew he was dying, if he wasn't already dead. He was somewhere, or nowhere, he couldn't really tell. The pain was hindering his ability to think clearly. Even now the only thing registering in his mind were the immense flames raging in his torso, and the vision of the gold-blue eyes staring into him. The eyes of a predator, of a lion king deciding if he was worth the kill. They were not the eyes of his brother. They were not Fili's eyes. They belonged to the gold.

He vaguely recognized the voices surrounding him. There was Dwalin's heavy, familiar commanding voice, there was Bofur with his similarly familiar, lilting accent, and he would be able to pick out Balin's worried tone from a crowd of hundreds. He knew he was safe now. He was surrounded by men who loved him as uncles, or maybe even as fathers, would. They had all helped raise him and Fili, along with Thorin.

Fili…the very thought of the name sent a sharp pang of insurmountable pain through his shattered soul. It made him feel empty, as if his heart had been ripped out, along with his sanity. He felt around in the void in his mind, looking for that golden cord that had always been there, connecting him to the other half of his soul.

He eventually found it, but it no longer gleamed gold like it used to. Instead it was a moldy brown. It laid in the crevices of his consciousness, the end frayed and Kili immediately knew what it meant. There was no healing this time. His brother was gone.

Kili stumbled to his knees, still holding the broken end of the precious cord. He buried his face in his hands and let out a wail of despair. Yes, he wanted to die now. Aule, how he wanted to leave this world. His brother was gone, he was alone…all alone…he had nothing to live for…why Fili? Why would you do this? I thought you loved me? I loved you…more than even I think I know…hello Uncle, I'm coming home now…is Amad here? And Adad? Oh, how I've missed you Uncle. I'm safe now. You have me. You still love me. You won't let me go. I know you won't. I trust you. And soon, Fili will join us, and we will all be happy again. Fili will love me again…

o.o.o.o. 0;0;0;0;0;OOOOOo.o.o.o.o.

Dwalin walked as fast as he dared through the halls, careful not to jostle the unconscious dwarf in his arms. Kili's ragged breathing was growing shallower by the minute, which also caused Dwalin to grow increasingly frantic. He burst into the dining hall where he knew most of the company would be.

"Somebody get Oin over here!" He bellowed. The hall erupted into a flurry of movement when the dwarves realized who was in Dwalin's arms. Balin was the first to reach them, Bofur following shortly after. "We need to get them to the healing rooms," Balin announced. "Somebody go get King Fili,"

"No," Dwalin fiercely cut him off. "The king is no longer aloud to come in contact with his brother." Shocked silence followed the hurried dwarf's growl. Balin and Bofur exchanged incredulous looks behind his back before following him to the healing rooms.

"Dwalin what happened? Fili needs to be here! Imagine what could happen if Kili wakes up without his brother there!" Bofur struggled to keep up with the larger dwarf's strides.

"No. Fili is not to be told Kili is alive. For all intents and purposes, Kili son of Dis is dead."

"For once, I am insanely confused," Balin shook his white head. Bofur dumbly nodded in agreement.

Oin was already prepared for Kili when the three dwarves walked in. "Gently now, set him on that bed there…yes, carefully, very carefully…" Kili whimpered pathetically as Dwalin set him down.

"Hush Kili," Bofur settled on a chair by his head with a cold rag. "You're going to be alright laddie. We're gonna get you fixed up in no time…right?" he sent a doubting glance to Oin. Oin merely shook his head and set to work. "Dwalin, help me get this tunic off. Balin, I need hot water. Quickly now," he ordered.

They gently peeled the crimson-soaked coat and tunic away from the dark dwarf. Bofur choked back a gasp and Dwalin had to turn away in anger at the sight they were met with.

"Dwalin…what…happened?" Bofur asked in a demanding voice. Dwalin slowly turned back around.

"Fili…Fili stabbed his brother with a sword he found in the treasury. He…he has been…take…taken over by the gold."

The tense silence was cut like a knife when Kili let out the most heart-wrenching scream any of them had ever heard. His back arched up in agony, agitating his stab wound and making the blood run more freely.

"Hold him down!" Oin shouted as the stitches he had been putting in came undone. "He'll kill himself if he keeps this up!"

Dwalin and Bofur grabbed hold of the young dwarf's arms while Balin kept his legs still. Kili trashed in their grip, sobbing out for his family.

"Uncle! Please help me! Amad! Adad! It burns! It burns so hot Uncle! Where are you?! Fee? Fee I need you! Fili!"

"Shut him up!" Oin thundered. He finished the last of the stitches and hurried over to the cabinets on the other side of the room. He flung them open and grabbed a vial of thick, purple liquid.

"Here, help me get this in him," He ordered Bofur over Kili's anguished screams. Dwalin grabbed both his arms and held him to the bed while Bofur held Kili's mouth open.

The drought had Kili sleeping fitfully within minutes. Bofur thumped back heavily into his chair, and put his head in his hands. Dwalin started pacing the room, trying to come up with a way to keep the two sons of Durin apart. Balin, however, was still in shocked silence. He gazed at the boy he considered to be a grandson, now lying still on the white bed.

"What are we going to do?" Oin finally asked the question that had been resting heavily on all their minds.

Balin let out a heavy sigh. "Dwalin, would you mind explaining everything you saw?"

And so he did. But Balin frowned. One thing his brother had said didn't sit right with him. "Dwalin, are you sure Fili said 'body'?"

Dwalin nodded. "Quite sure. His exact words were, 'Take the body away.'"

Balin hated himself right now. "Kili has to leave Erebor."

More shocked silence. "What? Why? Where would he go?" Bofur spoke up.

"I do not know where he could go. But Fili thinks him to be dead. In the state his is in, he will surely kill Kili if it is known he is alive. It is no longer safe here for him."

"But where would he go? The Iron Hills are out, Dale is too close, so is Mirkwood, he would never survive the trip to the Shire…" Dwalin trailed off and continued his circuit around the room.

"What about Rivendell?" Oin suggested. Balin perked up. "Brilliant Oin! Rivendell is perfect!"

"Except for the fact that it is the home of elves," Dwalin spat.

"Would you rather have Kili dead by the hand of his brother or in the healing hands of elves?" Bofur snarled, shocking Dwalin into silence. Bofur never talked that way,_ ever_. It clearly showed how worried he was for the Kili. "I think we should get him there as fast as possible. How long until he is able to travel Oin?"

Oin thought for a moment. "Two weeks at least. It would be risky though."

"It is a risk we shall have to take." Balin stood wearily. "Meanwhile, we need to prepare. If any of us go, we will be missed immediately. And it would be extremely suspicious if the prince of Erebor suddenly disappeared from the mountain."

"What about Nori?" Bofur suggested. "He is constantly leaving. No one will notice if he is gone for a few months."

Balin nodded in agreement. "Nori may be our best candidate for the job of smuggling Kili out. But in order to keep suspicion down, we are going to have to make the whole of Erebor believe Kili is dead, along with Fili."

"How're we gonna do that?"

"What usually happens when one dies, Dwalin? We have a funeral."

"Now how are going to pull that off if Kili is still alive?"

"Ever heard of acting?" Balin's temper was growing shorter by the minute. Curse his think headed brother.

Dwalin still looked confused. Balin sighed for what seemed the hundredth time that day and pinched the bridge of his nose. "We stage a funeral for Kili in the burial halls. We will get a tomb like Thorin's; a stone top with his likeness. Understand now?"

The other dwarves nodded vehemently. Balin didn't get mad often, but when he did, others tended to listen and stay out of his way.

"Good," Balin huffed. "Now Bofur, you go talk to Nori. Dwalin, you start on the tomb. I will talk to Fil…the king about making the announcement. Oin, keep Kili hidden at all costs. Use gold if you have to."

As Balin walked out of the room, he couldn't help but feel as if his life was slowly falling apart.

* * *

**AN: Hey all! Thank you SO much for all the reviews ans favorites and followers...it is WAY more than any of my other stories have gotten, and I'm only on the third chapter! I love you guys!**

**So does anyone think I should do some Fili POV? I'm trying to decide who I should center the next few chapters on. I could do both Fili and Kili...But whatever. I'm too tired to decide right now. **

**Don't forget to review, my wonderful, amazing readers! Yes Legolas, they are much more wonderful and amazing than you...and your dad...now don't give me that face! Do you want me to kill Elona? I thought not...**

**(BTW Elona is my OC that Leggy over here is hopelessly in love with...oh don't deny it pointy ears!)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Fili knew what was happening. He was not strong enough. He fell. And he was still falling deeper, deeper, deeper into that pit of darkness. He was fairly close to the bottom now. He felt as if he was teetering on the edge, his arms splayed out for balance, but everything he did made the steep slope steeper, the narrow ledge even narrower.

He was ashamed of himself. No, that didn't even begin to describe it. He hated himself with a vengeance. If he could, he would take the very same cursed blade he stabbed his brother with and turn it on himself. But what was stopping him? The gold, that's what. Oh how he hated that gold, with its malicious, scheming gleam, it cold cruel laughter echoing through his mind, its iron grip.

"You're mine now, Fili King. First I took your dear grandfather, then your precious uncle, and now I have you. Oh, and we can't forget our beloved Kili, now can we? No one can own me. I do as I please…"

"No!" Fili screamed out from his precarious position on the ledge. "You won't get a hold on me! I am stronger that this! I need to be stronger that this! I will fight you for Kili, for my Nadadith. You may have taken him from me, but you can't take me! I won't let you! I will live on for my brother! You can't have me!"

"Oh, but Fili, I already do."

Yes, Fili hated the gold. He hated it more than himself. It made him watch through his own eyes, feel through his own hands. It made him feel the blood spattering him. Blood. His blood. _Kili's blood_. It made him murder his brother, and then act like he enjoyed it.

He tried to cling to the ledge, but he was still slipping. He felt as if a chain of mithril was attached to his ankle and was trying desperately to pull him over. His struggling was in vain. Fili lost his grip on the slick ledge, and plummeted into the dark chasm of mental unconsciousness with the dark laugh following him the whole way. He wasn't strong enough. He fell.

_I'm so sorry Kili. I love you._

.o.o.o.o. .0OOOOO.o.o.o.o.o.

White. That was the first thing Kili's mind registered. Then it slowly changed to gold as he adjusted to being conscious again. Gold halls, with silver and obsidian pillars everywhere. He looked around; there was no one in sight.

"Hello?" He called out. He stood up, preparing himself for the agonizing pain that was sure to follow…but it didn't come. He lifted the hem of his tunic: no scar, no scab, no blood, no…nothing.

"Oh, Mahal," Kili gasped and stumbled back against the pillar. The obsidian pillar in a gold hall…gold hall…

"Great Aule, I'm dead,"

"Not quite yet, you're not."

Kili whipped in a circle, searching frantically for that painfully familiar voice echoing around him.

"Uncle? Where are you? Thorin!" he heard deep chuckling behind him. There stood his uncle Thorin, just as Kili remembered him. Not King Thorin, not leader Thorin, just Uncle Thorin, of the Blue Mountains.

"Uncle," Kili choked out and launched himself into his arms. He gratefully fell into the familiar embrace, taking in everything about the dwarf. The first tears made their way down his cheeks, but he made no move to wipe them away. He buried his face in his uncle's shoulder like a child, letting Thorin gently stroke his hair and comfort him like he used to.

"Hush now Kili. Nothing is lost yet. There is no reason for tears."

"But uncle, I failed him. I wasn't there for him. He needed me, and I couldn't help him. I failed him." there was no question to who _he _was.

"No, Kili. Never think that. You have not failed anybody. We are all so proud of you. You were there for your brother. Yes, he needed you, and he had you. You were there every second you could spare. It is not your fault he is lost. Hush," He said again as sobs racked his nephew's body. "You are strong, Kili. Stronger than I think you know. I am so proud of you," he whispered into his ear. "So proud to call you my sister-son, my heir, my Kili. I was always proud of you, even if it didn't seem like it at times. Menu gamut khed, Kialiain. Men lananubukhs menu."

"Men lananubukhs menu, Uncle." Kili pulled back with a confused frown on his face. "Wait, you said I'm not dead yet. Then where am I? How am I seeing you? Unless you're a dream…"

Thorin let out a small laugh. "No Kili, I am really here. Yes, you are not dead yet, but that does not mean you are alive either."

Kili was utterly confused. "So…I'm unconscious?"

"Let me explain a little better," Thorin sighed. "Your body is dead. You have lost too much blood. However, you are not allowed to enter Mahal's Halls yet."

"What? Why not?"

"You have unfinished business on Middle Earth. And you are missing a vital thing that you need to enter the Halls with."

"And what's that?" Kili was now even more confused.

"The other half of your soul."

Kili was flabbergasted, for lack of a better word. His soul? How had it been split? Where was the other half? His confusion must have shown on his face because Thorin then chose to elaborate.

"Kili, when is your birthday?"

"Umm…A week before Midsummer's Eve."

"When is Fili's birthday?"

"The same day, but he is five years older than me. Why is that important?"

"Kili, you and Fili are very special," Thorin explained. "You two were meant to be twins, but for whatever reason, you were conceived at a different time than your brother. But you still had the bond that twins would share. Twin dwarf brothers are extremely rare Kili, and even more uncommon are brothers with the relationship you and your brother had. Neither of you are complete without the other."

"Were complete, Thorin," Kili cut in. "We no longer have that bond. It shattered." He glowered at the polished gold floors, trying desperately to hold in the emotions raging through his body.

"Do you really believe that Kili?" Thorin asked softly. Then he straightened up and sighed. "I need to go now, and you need to return to the realm of the living. Remember Kili, you are strong. You are a Durin, but more importantly, you are my son in all but parental blood. So is Fili. Don't forget that." He gave his nephew one last smile, before turning and allowing the light behind him to swallow him.

"No! Thorin! Uncle wait! I need…I have so many more questions! How do I save Fili? What is my unfinished business?" Kili tried to run after his uncle into the light, but a force not unlike a strong wind held him back. "Uncle!" Then everything erupted in darkness once again.

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**AN: Hey all. Yeah, I know that last part with Kili and Thorin was pretty cliche and cheesy, but I've been kinda distracted, alright? Stop laughing Legolas. It's not my fault my horse is lame. Anyways, what did you think of Fili's POV? Did it clear some things up for you? Or did it just make you more confused? I'm getting really excited about this story. **

Review my wonderful readers! And I shall give you the cookies that my dear sister made for me! No Legolas. You can't have one. No...NO...GET AWAY FROM MY COOKIES!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

After Kili's "funeral", the weeks seemed to fly by. Kili had woken up after about a week in the healing room, and he and Nori rode to Rivendell about a month after that. It had been easy to hide him because mining had been at a stand-still lately, therefore less injuries, and Fili had yet to leave the treasury. It had been a rough recovery, however. During his unconsciousness, his blood pressure had dropped drastically, and then his heart just stopped beating. They all believed the worst, until his eyes flew open and he started shouting nonsense about his uncle leaving him. After that, Kili refused to talk to anyone unless they had news of Fili, or threatened him, which they tried very hard not to do with his fragile state of mind. When they first told him of their plan, he had adamantly refused, saying he couldn't leave Fili.

The only dwarves that knew the truth of Kili's fate were the ones that had been in the healing rooms with him: Dwalin, Balin, Bofur, and Oin. As much as it hurt them, they allowed the rest to believe that the youngest member of their company had been killed…by his brother's hand. You can imagine the reactions to that.

Balin watched Fili closely, staying with him in the treasury and discreetly guiding him in his decisions, making sure the mountain wouldn't blow up just from a misplaced mining shaft by the king's orders. That's what he is now. The king; king Fili. No more was he Fili, son of Dis, brother of Kili. He is no longer the same dwarfling Balin had watched growing up in Ered Luin, so full of life and going on all kinds of adventures. No. that Fili died with his brother. Now King Fili, Lord of Erebor, King Under the Mountain, sat on his throne of stone, surrounded by the glimmering gold.

Weeks turned into months, and the months evolved into a year, and that, I believe, is where our story picks up…

It was a nice day in Rivendell, but then again, when is it not? The elves could be seen wandering through the forest surrounding the Homely House, singing to the trees and flowers and helping them welcome the coming spring. Their songs echoed around the valley, leaving a relaxed, peaceful atmosphere in their wake.

All of a sudden, the peace was shattered by the pounding of hooves on pavement. Two dwarves atop ponies came trotting into the courtyard, stopping a few meters short of the elf standing at the base of the stairs.

"Masters Balin and Dwalin, it is a pleasure to welcome you into my home again, the elf bowed to the dwarrows. "The pleasure is ours, Lord Elrond." Balin smiled.

Dwalin, being the gruff dwarf he is, got straight to the point of their visit. "Where is Kili?"

Elrond frowned slightly. "Master Kili is still in his room I believe. He hasn't come down for a week."

Balin hummed in thought as more elves came to take their ponies. "Perhaps we could talk to him, my Lord?"

"You may try," Elrond nodded and stepped aside. The two dwarves knew their way around Rivendell well enough by now, well, at least the way to Kili's room. They quickly navigated their way through the numerous halls, not encountering any other elves, much to Dwalin's relief.

They quietly stepped up to the dark wooden door at the end of a long haul. "Do you wish to knock, or shall I?" Balin looked up to his brother. Dwalin answered by raising his fist and quietly knocking on the door. They waited for a few moments, but no answer came. Dwalin sighed. "Kili? It's us. May we come in?" he called knocking again. Now they were rewarded with rustling coming from inside the room.

"Door's unlocked," Came the dead voice. Balin winced at the hoarse call and slowly opened the door. Kili was lying against his pillows, gazing despondently at a locket he was holding.

"Hello laddie," Balin smiled. "How've you been?"

Kili didn't look up. His fingers stroked the picture in his hands. "It will be a year tomorrow," he spoke haltingly, as if he hadn't spoken in weeks, which he probably hadn't. "A year since I have last seen him. A year that I have forced myself to spend away from him."

"Kili, it is for your own safety. You know this."

"My safety?" Kili had an incredulous look on his face. "I am perfectly safe in Erebor!"

"But Fili-"

"My brother would never hurt me!" Kili growled viciously. He glared at the sons of Fundin from under his lashes, and Balin shivered. Kili's face had grown to a sickly pale, and his sunken eyes were a dull, muddy, glassy brown. His black hair was greasy and matted and had lost its shine. He was thinner, too. Much to thin for a dwarf. In other words, the son of Dis looked like death itself.

Balin decided now would be a good time to change the subject. Anything to get that glare off him.

"Have you been eating lately?"

"Why do you want to know," He muttered, looking back down to his picture.

"Because, Kili, we care about you and want to make sure you are being taken care of."

Wrong thing to say.

"If you cared about me," Kili said slowly, turning his glower back to the brothers, "You would take me back to Erebor so I could save my brother. If you cared about me, you would never have TAKEN ME AWAY FROM HIM!" Balin and Dwalin dodged the locket chucked at them.

"Do you know how hard it is to survive without him? Do you?! It's like trying to breathe without oxygen! It's like trying to scale a smooth wall without rope!" Kili was now pacing the floor, throwing chairs and vases and upturning tables and other furniture. "I feel like I'm drowning, but there is no bottom to hit. Every way I swim, I can't find the surface! There is no light for me anywhere! It's dark…so dark…everything is black..." Kili's knees suddenly gave out and he collapsed on the ground before Dwalin could catch him. he curled into himself and laid on his side.

"Dark…so dark…everything is black…shadows everywhere…" His eyes had grown wide and zipped around the room, a look of utter confusion and fear etched onto his face.

"I…I need…my back…so exposed…so empty…" Balin understood at once what was happening. Kili was not whole, not without his brother there. He felt as if he was exposed to the world without his brother at his side. There was no one there to watch his back.

"Brother…Fili…scared…alone…Fili…need…Nadad…men lananubukhs menu…men lananubukhs menu…men lananubukhs menu…"

Balin sent a meaningful look to his brother. Kili was trapped in his own mind now. It happened every time his overexerted himself or something antagonized him. only he could pull himself out of it, and that usually happened when he slept it away.

"Dush…dush…dussssshhhh….Nadad…Nadad…"

"We should probably leave," Balin nodded to the pathetic mass writhing on the floor.

"Now wait just a minute," Dwalin unfurled his burly arms and stepped forward. Kili looked up at him with distrusting, skeptical eyes, still muttering in Khuzdul.

"Nadad…Nadad…dush Nadad…dush…"

"Hush now Kili," Dwalin reached out a hand after taking his bracers off. Kili shied from it slightly, like a frightened horse, but didn't jerk away from it when it rested on his shoulder.

"Kili, I know you can hear me. It is true Fili is not in his right mind. His body had been taken over by something that is nearly impossible to overcome. But he needs you. And you cannot help him if you are like this."

Kili screwed his eyes shut, "Nadad…Nadad…Nadad nneeeds me…"

"That's right Kili," Balin came to crouch next to them. "Nadad needs you. You need to be taking care of yourself, and let the elves help. Everything we do is to help you Kili, so that eventually you and your Nadad can be together again. Because no matter what, you will always be his Nadadith, and in some deep recess of his mind, Fili knows that. He just needs you to come pull it to the front of his mind."

"Nadad…Nadad men lananubukhs Nadadith…Nadad men lananubukhs Nadadith…"

"Oh Kili, you know he does. Fili never stopped loving you."

A tear rolled out of Kili's eye as he opened them. "I…I have nightmares…" he whispered brokenly. "About…that…that night…and what…he…what he said to me…"He choked back a sob. Balin's frown deepened. No one really knew what happened that dreadful night, except that Fili stabbed his own brother. Kili refused to talk about, and they were too scared to talk to Fili. Balin just knew that they were just lucky Fili missed the vital organs, and still believed his brother to be dead.

"Kili, you need to rest," Dwalin spoke again, his hand still rubbing Kili's shoulder in a comforting manner. Kili nodded, but when he tried to get up, his arms wouldn't support him. Dwalin caught the dwarf before he hit the ground, and carefully carried him over to the bed. Balin pulled the duvet over him and laid a hand on his forehead. It was burning with fever.

"Rest now Kili, and heal. Like Dwalin said, you are no use to your brother in this state. I need to know you are taking care of yourself. We worry for you Kili. Really, we do."

"I know Balin," Kili sniffled. "I'm sorry. I just…whenever his name comes up I go into a…a rage and my mind seems to blacks out and I can't think…I know you're trying to help me, but it's so hard," he sighed. "Thank you, both of you. For helping me, and visiting, and putting up with my tantrums…"

"Kili, you have no reason to apologize. None of this was your fault."

Kili merely nodded into the pillow and closed his eyes tiredly. "'M tired," he muttered.

"I know," Balin chuckled. "We'll visit again soon, I promise."

"Aye lad, you'll be seeing us again soon. Maybe Nori as well; he left a few days before we did." Dwalin put a hand on Kili's hair in farewell, and followed his brother back to their ponies. Kili was asleep before the door closed.

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**AN: Hello again! Here is the real chapter 5. Sorry to those of you who only got to read some gibbish :-)**

**Anyways, what did you guys think of this chap? Is Kili turning into too much of a wimp?**

**R&R people! They make Kili happy again :-)**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I want to put a warning for this chapter. It has a very...triggering scene at the end (i.e. self-harm). So if that kind of thing bothers you, PM me and I will give you the reader's digest version of what happens in this chap. Enjoy :-)**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

The tension in the room was so thick one could cut it like butter. A table ran down the middle of the room, piled with untouched food and tankards of ale. Dwarves sat behind those tankards, casting glares at each other and muttering angrily to themselves or their neighbors. All except one. King Fili stalked slowly around the table, hands clasped behind his back, looking down coldly at the dwarrows seated before him. He was the perfect example of a dwarf king at this moment: powerful, majestic, regal, respected, and cold as the stone he came from. Granted, not all dwarf kings are as cold as Fili is.

Dwalin and Balin were among those dwarves seated around the table. They had been situated at Fili's left and right hand, respectively. Balin was watching Fili apprehensively, waiting to see what kind of unpredictable mood he was in today. Dwalin was fiddling with something under his tunic, but no one really paid any mind to it.

Finally Fili decided that it was about time to state his reason for summoning the dwarves here.

"You all seem very tense," Fili started in a falsely conversational tone. "Hard week?" murmurs of assent echoed around the room. Fili hummed and steepled his fingers in front of him.

"Bofur," He shouted suddenly, taking glee in the way the dwarves jumped. "How is work the mines?" He cocked his head and asked in a soft voice.

"They're doing fine, my Lord," Bofur winced. He hated referring to the dwarf he helped raise from a lad as "my lord."

"Dwalin, the forges?"

"Productive, as usual."

"The healing wards are organized Oin? You have everything you need?"

"Aye, my liege."

"And how do the scribes fare, Ori?"

"They are busy, Lord Fili. We word day and night repairing scripts Smaug destroyed."

"Still?" Fili raised a brow.

"Aye, my k-king," Ori visibly swallowed at the attention. When Fili nodded and moved on, he breathed an inaudible sigh of relief as Dori rubbed his back.

"That is good," Fili murmured as he sat in his chair at the head of the table. "Very good. Erebor is becoming more prosperous by the day, and we are all benefiting from it," He cast his gaze around the table. Everyone avoided his eyes, not knowing where this might lead.

"We have a mighty army; one stronger than any dwarf kingdom on Middle Earth," He leaned forward with a sly smile on his face like he was conspiring with his brother, and for barely a moment, Dwalin could see the old Fili. "Do you know what that means? It means we can easily overtake any other dwarf army on Middle Earth."

"Fili…" Baling murmured in a warning tone. Fili's smirk morphed into a fiery glare, and Dwalin's image was lost.

"Do you have something to say, Lord Balin?"

"With all, and more, due respect, do you really believe that to be wise?"

"Of course I do," Fili scoffed. He reclined back into his chair and crossed his feet on top of the table. "I thought it up didn't I? Besides, how can a little more gold hurt us?"

"In many, many ways," Balin muttered under his breath for only Dwalin to hear. Dwalin grunted in agreement before dozing off as Fili went on to explain how he planned to attack and take over the Broadbeam's territory.

He was jerked awake when the dwarves started standing up and filing out the room. He made sure that he was the last one out, but before he slipped through the door, he discreetly set the pendant that had been hanging around his neck on the table in Fili's plain sight.

Fili frowned as he watched Dwalin. What was that dwarf up to? He tried to ignore the pendant lying tauntingly on the table, but it was useless. As he stood up, a voice started protesting inside.

_No, what are you doing? That is not important. Leave it alone. It's just a stupid locket. _

_But what if it isn't? Dwalin put it there for a reason. I know he did. _

_What if it is harmful? You never know. Dwalin is trying to take our gold! _

_What? No! Dwalin would never do that!_

_How can you be so sure? _

_Because…because…_

_Exactly. He is trying to hurt you. He wants to be king. _

_No he doesn't. I know Dwalin better than that. He would never hurt me! besides, how can a stupid necklace hurt me?_

The voice didn't answer, and Fili picked it up. Turning it over in his hands, he realized it was a locket. A very _familiar_ locket. He looked closely at the perimeter of the circle, where there was a sentence of Khuzdul carved into the metal.

_Fili and Kili: One mind, one soul, two brothers, to the end of their days. _

Fili's breath caught in his throat as memories started flooding him. Two large, scarred hands guiding the strokes of the hammer in his hands, helping him shape the lump of metal into two thin circles.

_A chip in the black wall._

The same two hands showing him how to forge the smallest of links and weld them together.

_A crack running up the middle._

Putting hinges on the two circles and welding it to the chain.

_The crack branches out, covering the blackness. Fili can see light shining through them. _

Running up the hill to a home nestled safely in the side of the mountain, locket in hand.

_The cracks spread. More light seeps through. _

A figure with an unruly mop of black hair comes charging at him…_"Fili! You're home! I missed you so much Nadad!"_

_The black haired-figure wrapped his arms securely around him. _

_"__Kee, I was gone for barely a day!"_

_"__But I still missed you!" then the child spotted the locket in his hands. _

_"__What's that Fee?" _

_"__Happy birthday nadadith," _

_I watched his face light up in joy and awe at my creation. He held it reverently in his hands, taking in the detailed engravings…_

Fili snapped out of the…memory? Vision? He looked at the locket in his hands. It was the same one, but had lost its shine and was slightly worn down from constant use.

He opened the locket and stared at the pictures inside. One was obviously of him, but who was the other dwarf? Then he realized it was the same one he just saw in his mind, but older. What did he call him? Kee? Nadadith? Yes, nadadith. And he called Fili Nadad. Nadad, as in brother, and nadadith means…little brother…somewhere in his mind he knew little brother means Kee…Kee is Kili…Kili is important…very important…oh, so important…I need to find him…who is Kili again?...oh, wait…Kili and Fili…one mind, one soul…two brothers…

_The black wall exploded, an enraged scream echoing through his mind before leaving. The memories came flooding back._

Fili dropped the locket as a searing pain erupted in his head. He fell back against the table with an agonized cry. He collapsed to his knees, hands clutching his head in his hands. Someone was yelling…who is being so loud? Can't you see you're making it worse? Then he realized it was his own screams.

The door slammed open, and Dori came barreling in with Ori and Bifur and tow. "Fili! What's wrong lad?" He loosed his grip on his sword hilt and knelt by Fili's hunched from.

"My head…" Fili gasped. He looked up at the dwarves surrounding him, and realization dawned in his eyes. "I…I fell…didn't I? I fell to the gold?"

Dori nodded. "Aye laddie, but you're back now." He rested a hand on his shoulder. "That's all that matters, that we have our Fili back." Fili nodded and rested his head wearily against the chair next to him. But almost immediately his eyes flew open again.

"Dori…Kili? Where is he? Where is he Dori?" Fili grabbed Dori's tunic in his hands. "Where is my nadadith? Why is he not here? I need him Dori! Answer me, dammit!"

Dori cast a pleading look to the two other dwarves standing behind him, something that did not go unnoticed by Fili.

"Ori…Bifur…where…where is my Kili?"

Nobody answered. "He's not here, is he?"

Dori stood up. "Come with me lad." He pulled the confused dwarf to his feet and they left the room.

As they walked through the halls, Fili gawked at the activity around him. Erebor seemed to have grown immensely. "Dori, how long was I…you know…"

"One year and one month," Dori answered solemnly, not looking at Fili. Fili blinked, taking in the information. A year?

Fili was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't realize where they were going until they reached the burial room of the kings. Fili looked up at the daunting stone doors with apprehension.

"Dori…what are we doing here?" He asked as Dori shoved open the doors.

"You wanted to see Kili didn't you?" Dori responded gruffly. He let Fili walk into the dimly lit room first. "He's over there."

Fili followed Dori's finger to a large stone rectangle standing in the middle of the room. "But that's Thorin,"

"No Fili," Dori sighed softly. "On the other side of Thorin."

Fili slowly walked past the graves of other Durins, past his uncle's tomb…and stopped in front of the newest stone structure. It was slightly smaller than his uncle's, but very alike in the fact that it had the stone likeness of the deceased dwarf lying on the top. Fili's breath caught in his throat. "No…" He whimpered. He looked back to Dori, who nodded at him. He turned back to the tomb and walked up to the head, his hand skimming over the familiar coat…the hands clasped over a bow…and he looked into his brother's peaceful stone face.

"No…Kili…" His hand stroked the cold grey cheek. "My Kili…my nadadith…" A tear splattered onto the closed eyelid, and another, then another…

"Kee…I'm here now…it's okay…I'm right here…Nadad's here now…we're going to be okay…" Fili took his crown of gold off and tossed it to the side, barely registering the clanging of the metal on stone. He rested his forehead against the stone likeness of his brother and watched the tears roll down the stone cheeks. "Kili…I'm so sorry…I should have been here…you needed me, and I want here. I failed you little brother. I…I…" another bout of sobbing racked through his body. He cupped the cold face, and he could almost imagine it was his brother.

"I was weak Kili. I fell. I let go, nadadith. Are you and Thorin ashamed of me? I wouldn't blame you if you are. I am ashamed of myself. I…I" he gasped as another memory came to the front of his mind. One full of screaming, and shouting, and gold…and blood.

"Oh Mahal…I-I killed you…" Fili stumbled away from the stone, shaking his head as if he could dislodge the memory. "No…No. NO!" He screamed out in pain and collapsed to his knees. "NO! My Kili! I'm so sorry! What have I done Kee? I loved you so much! What happened to me? WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

Fili fell to the ground, sobbing openly now between his anguished screams. "No! My brother! Forgive me nadadith! Forgive me! I loved you! I loved you!"

_I never needed you! You are the one who needed me! You are weak, Kili! Weak!_

"No Kili! NO! You weren't weak! You are stronger than I could even have imagined being! I needed you! I need you so bad! I need you here Kili!"

_I've always thought you were a…a complete waste of space! Everyone would have been better off without you Kili! Nobody needs you!_

"No you're not Kee! You never were! I would have died without you! I am dying without you! I am dying…" Fili looked up through his tears, and saw that he was alone in the cavern. Slowly, he crawled back to his brother's tomb and took out the small knife he kept hidden in the pocket near his heart. It is the first knife Kili ever made, and had given it to him as a present. Fili kept it on him ever since.

But he never imagined his little brother's gift would be used for something such as this.

More tears splattered onto the ground as Fili set the knife against the skin on his wrist, right above the vein running through it. He made a shallow cut, and watched as the blood bubbled out. He watched it dribble down his arm and onto the rock before making another incision.

More blood running down. More tears.

Another cut. He was feeling light headed now from the sight of the crimson liquid.

Images of his brother -his dear, wonderful, always joyful nadadith- flashed through his mind. He started slicing with more vengeance.

His hands were covered in red by now. He put the knife in his left hand and held out his other wrist. Another cut. They had stopped hurting now. More blood. More tears.

His right wrist was as wet with blood as his left by now. The stone around his knees was stained as sick crimson color. He brought the knife up to his throat and turned it so the tip was right under his chin…

* * *

**AN: CLIFFY! I know. I'm evil. But don't kill me. Please. Legolas would be so bored. Review dearies! And then you can have some of my grandmother's chicken spaghetti****she made for lunch :-D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Dori hurried through the halls, looking frantically for the two dwarves that could help his king. He had left Fili as a sobbing mess in the burial room and was loath to leave him, but he did not think that he could bring much comfort to the distressed lad. They had never really had the relationship he had with the two sons of Fundin.

Dori found them walking slowly to Balin's study, heads bent together as they talked in hushed whispers.

"Balin! Dwalin!" He shouted. They turned to look at him, Balin's face immediately looking alarmed at the expression Dori wore.

"Dori? What is wrong?"

"Noth…nothing wrong," Dori panted. "Fili…Fili is awake." He didn't need to explain any more than that. Balin's face lit up with a little laugh, and Dwalin knew that if he could, he would be jumping with joy. But Dwalin frowned. Something in Dori's tone suggested there was something still wrong.

"But," Dwalin prompted.

"He remembers what happened to Kili."

Balin's face fell, and the two brother's shared a glance. "Where is he," Dwalin demanded.

"The burial chambers," Dori sighed. "He wanted to know where Kili was, and I didn't know how to tell him otherwise."

Balin nodded. "Thank you Dori. We will take care of it from here."

Then without another word, they took off down the corridor while Dori went to tell the rest of the company. The two of them didn't say a word as they hurried to where their king was, both their minds caught up in their own thoughts.

As they approached the stone chambers, Balin couldn't help but notice the troubled expressions on the guard's faces.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

The guards exchanged uneasy glances. "Well," the largest one started. "We're slightly worried for King Fili. When he went in, he made quite the racket. Then a few minutes ago it just went…quiet."

Dwalin didn't waste time in asking what he meant. He barreled past the guards and flung open the doors.

"Fili? Where are you lad?" He stepped into the dark chamber. For a heart-stopping moment, he couldn't hear anything. But then came a weak whimper from the other side of the room. Dwalin hesitantly started walking over, but sped up when he could make out the dark stains on the floor.

"Fili? What are you…" he rounded the edge of the tomb to see Fili sitting in a pool of his own blood, and holding a knife to his throat.

"Fili! NO!" but Fili didn't seem to hear him. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as Fili moved the knife upwards, and Dwalin started running to the distressed dwarf.

He tackled the blond dwarf to the ground, and wrestled the knife out of his hands.

"Fili! What in Mahal's name are you doing lad? What is wrong with you?"

"No! Let me go! I need to see Kili! I need Kili! Let me see my nadadith! I'm begging you! Let me go!"

Fili attacked Dwalin's chest with his fists, not really registering who was above him. Dwalin sent a questioning look at his brother, and Balin made his way over to kneel in front of the struggling dwarf.

"Fili…look at me lad," He said softly, resting his scarred hand on the bloody gold hair. "Fili, it's alright. You don't need to do this to see your brother."

"Yes I do!" Fili wailed out. "I do! I killed him! Why didn't you kill me Balin? Why didn't you let me join him?"

"Because, Fili, your nadadith is still alive."

Fili's feeble attempts to free himself from dwalin's arms slowed. "But…but I k-killed him," he swallowed. "He was lying there, on the gold. You took him away," he turned his head to look at Dwalin, and despite the circumstances, Dwalin was overjoyed at the sight of his clear blue eyes. Not golden-blue, but that clear, aqua Durin blue. The same eyes as his uncle.

"Aye laddie, I did. But he was not dead."

"But…but how? Dori said…and he's…" Fili whispered, gesturing to the stone tomb beside them.

"It is empty lad. None of his vital organs were hit. He merely was forced into unconsciousness from blood loss." Balin provided with a gentle smile.

Fili closed his eyes and let his head fall back against Dwalin's shoulder. Silent tears started dripping down his cheeks once again. Dwalin released Fili from his restraining hold and wrapped his arms around him in a more comforting manner. He recalled doing this a few other times in the young dwarf's life, and his younger brother was the reason behind all of them. Fili leaned into the warrior's embrace, drawing strength from the dwarf he looked to as an uncle figure.

"Wait," he said after a minute. "If Kili is alive, then where is he? Knowing him, it would be impossible to hide him in the mountain for a year."

"He is in Rivendell," Balin answered. "We trusted Lord Elrond to keep him safe and…sane." Balin looked down as he said the last part.

"And has he?" Fili asked.

"Well…mostly."

"What do you mean mostly? What is wrong with my brother Balin?" he shook Dwalin's arms off him.

"Fili, imagine for a moment if your roles were reversed. If Kili had been the one to be possessed, stabbed you, you almost died, then was sent away to live with elves because if Kili ever saw your face again he would kill you? What would you do? Certainly not carry on with life and enjoy prancing around Rivendell while your brother turned into a ruthless dictator."

"Dwalin!" Balin chastised. "That's a tad harsh, don't you think?"

"No Balin," Fili moaned. He buried his head in his hands again. "Dwalin is right. Can I have my knife back now?"

"No," Dwalin said forcefully. "What do you need to be doing right now? You have a brother dying from grief and a kingdom to run."

Fili looked between the two sons of Fundin before answering. "How big of a guard do you think we need to take to Rivendell?"

"Atta boy Fili!" Balin stood up. "I would say gather up a few from the company and take off at first light. I will send a raven to Lord Elrond and see if he can meet us halfway."

Dwalin pulled Fili up as he answered. "I will start packing provisions, and I think there are quite a few dwarves wanting to see you that will be most eager to volunteer for this adventure."

Fili nodded. "Thank you. Both of you. For helping me, and Kili, and running the mountain correctly for the past year. Oh, and Balin?" he called as the two older dwarves turned away. "Can you send a raven to Thranduil as well? Going to Mirkwood is the quickest way I believe."

**Chapter 7**

Dori hurried through the halls, looking frantically for the two dwarves that could help his king. He had left Fili as a sobbing mess in the burial room and was loath to leave him, but he did not think that he could bring much comfort to the distressed lad. They had never really had the relationship he had with the two sons of Fundin.

Dori found them walking slowly to Balin's study, heads bent together as they talked in hushed whispers.

"Balin! Dwalin!" He shouted. They turned to look at him, Balin's face immediately looking alarmed at the expression Dori wore.

"Dori? What is wrong?"

"Noth…nothing wrong," Dori panted. "Fili…Fili is awake." He didn't need to explain any more than that. Balin's face lit up with a little laugh, and Dwalin knew that if he could, he would be jumping with joy. But Dwalin frowned. Something in Dori's tone suggested there was something still wrong.

"But," Dwalin prompted.

"He remembers what happened to Kili."

Balin's face fell, and the two brother's shared a glance. "Where is he," Dwalin demanded.

"The burial chambers," Dori sighed. "He wanted to know where Kili was, and I didn't know how to tell him otherwise."

Balin nodded. "Thank you Dori. We will take care of it from here."

Then without another word, they took off down the corridor while Dori went to tell the rest of the company. The two of them didn't say a word as they hurried to where their king was, both their minds caught up in their own thoughts.

As they approached the stone chambers, Balin couldn't help but notice the troubled expressions on the guard's faces.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

The guards exchanged uneasy glances. "Well," the largest one started. "We're slightly worried for King Fili. When he went in, he made quite the racket. Then a few minutes ago it just went…quiet."

Dwalin didn't waste time in asking what he meant. He barreled past the guards and flung open the doors.

"Fili? Where are you lad?" He stepped into the dark chamber. For a heart-stopping moment, he couldn't hear anything. But then came a weak whimper from the other side of the room. Dwalin hesitantly started walking over, but sped up when he could make out the dark stains on the floor.

"Fili? What are you…" he rounded the edge of the tomb to see Fili sitting in a pool of his own blood, and holding a knife to his throat.

"Fili! NO!" but Fili didn't seem to hear him. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as Fili moved the knife upwards, and Dwalin started running to the distressed dwarf.

He tackled the blond dwarf to the ground, and wrestled the knife out of his hands.

"Fili! What in Mahal's name are you doing lad? What is wrong with you?"

"No! Let me go! I need to see Kili! I need Kili! Let me see my nadadith! I'm begging you! Let me go!"

Fili attacked Dwalin's chest with his fists, not really registering who was above him. Dwalin sent a questioning look at his brother, and Balin made his way over to kneel in front of the struggling dwarf.

"Fili…look at me lad," He said softly, resting his scarred hand on the bloody gold hair. "Fili, it's alright. You don't need to do this to see your brother."

"Yes I do!" Fili wailed out. "I do! I killed him! Why didn't you kill me Balin? Why didn't you let me join him?"

"Because, Fili, your nadadith is still alive."

Fili's feeble attempts to free himself from dwalin's arms slowed. "But…but I k-killed him," he swallowed. "He was lying there, on the gold. You took him away," he turned his head to look at Dwalin, and despite the circumstances, Dwalin was overjoyed at the sight of his clear blue eyes. Not golden-blue, but that clear, aqua Durin blue. The same eyes as his uncle.

"Aye laddie, I did. But he was not dead."

"But…but how? Dori said…and he's…" Fili whispered, gesturing to the stone tomb beside them.

"It is empty lad. None of his vital organs were hit. He merely was forced into unconsciousness from blood loss." Balin provided with a gentle smile.

Fili closed his eyes and let his head fall back against Dwalin's shoulder. Silent tears started dripping down his cheeks once again. Dwalin released Fili from his restraining hold and wrapped his arms around him in a more comforting manner. He recalled doing this a few other times in the young dwarf's life, and his younger brother was the reason behind all of them. Fili leaned into the warrior's embrace, drawing strength from the dwarf he looked to as an uncle figure.

"Wait," he said after a minute. "If Kili is alive, then where is he? Knowing him, it would be impossible to hide him in the mountain for a year."

"He is in Rivendell," Balin answered. "We trusted Lord Elrond to keep him safe and…sane." Balin looked down as he said the last part.

"And has he?" Fili asked.

"Well…mostly."

"What do you mean mostly? What is wrong with my brother Balin?" he shook Dwalin's arms off him.

"Fili, imagine for a moment if your roles were reversed. If Kili had been the one to be possessed, stabbed you, you almost died, then was sent away to live with elves because if Kili ever saw your face again he would kill you? What would you do? Certainly not carry on with life and enjoy prancing around Rivendell while your brother turned into a ruthless dictator."

"Dwalin!" Balin chastised. "That's a tad harsh, don't you think?"

"No Balin," Fili moaned. He buried his head in his hands again. "Dwalin is right. Can I have my knife back now?"

"No," Dwalin said forcefully. "What do you need to be doing right now? You have a brother dying from grief and a kingdom to run."

Fili looked between the two sons of Fundin before answering. "How big of a guard do you think we need to take to Rivendell?"

"Atta boy Fili!" Balin stood up. "I would say gather up a few from the company and take off at first light. I will send a raven to Lord Elrond and see if he can meet us halfway."

Dwalin pulled Fili up as he answered. "I will start packing provisions, and I think there are quite a few dwarves wanting to see you that will be most eager to volunteer for this adventure."

Fili nodded. "Thank you. Both of you. For helping me, and Kili, and running the mountain correctly for the past year. Oh, and Balin?" he called as the two older dwarves turned away. "Can you send a raven to Thranduil as well? Going to Mirkwood is the quickest way I believe."

* * *

**AN: Hullo again. Sorry this chapter is so short, but I've been really busy lately. Like REALLY busy. We have grandparents from Texas visiting, exams, I'm trying to buy this horse, I'm behind in studying for my exams, and to top it all off, my twin sister has the worst case of flu she has ever had. It's terrible. Well, except for using her as an excuse to skip class. Bless my principal. He knows that we have a Kili-Fili type relationship and does his best to make sure we do everything together. It also helps that we are both perfect A students (I copy my sister alot. Shhh...don't tell).**

**Review my lovelies! They will help my muse get over her flu which means I can get the next chapter out soon!**

**P.S. To all you follow my Elona Moriah series, I will be updating Hope Arises soon. Like, within the next week or two. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Fili knew exactly where to look for his comrades. There was only one place any dwarf would be at noon on a day as hot as today.

He hesitated outside the dining room doors for barely a moment. This would be the first time he had seen them, _really _seen them, in over a year. What would they say? Would they hate him for submitting to the gold? What about for stabbing Kili? Would they cast him out and give the throne to Dain or Balin? No, that was just ridiculous. If they wanted him off the throne, they would have done it long ago.

Gathering his courage, he slowly moved the stone door open.

Every head turned to the door when they heard it open. They watched as it was slowly eased ajar, and finally showed the figure of the blond dwarf. Fili had his head ducked as if ashamed, and when he felt all the eyes on him, shyly looked up through his blond fringe.

"Fili?" Bofur asked softly. He had yet to learn of his king's "awakening."

Fili turned his gaze to the hatted dwarf and gave him a small smile. "Hullo Bofur." Bofur's mouth slowly curved into a smile. He took in the clear blue eyes and the wearied stance, neither of which Fili had when fallen to the gold.

"You're awake then lad?"

"Aye, I am."

The next thing Fili knew, he was being drowned in furs and braids and beards. Bofur had launched himself at the younger dwarf and was holding his shoulders in a crushing hug. The rest of the dwarves surrounded the two of them, laughing and yelling and thumping Fili's back.

"Praise Mahal lad!" Bofur laughed. "I knew you would come back! I knew you could do it!" he pulled away from Fili and held him by the shoulders. "Now if only the rest of your family could be here to see it." he cast a sad gaze over Fili's face.

"Actually Bofur, that is why I'm here." He pulled away from the dwarf completely. "I am not the last Durin after all," he looked at the dwarves' confused faces. "Kili is alive."

"What are ya takin' 'bout laddie?" Gloin called out.

"Kili is not dead." He repeated. "His funeral was an act. Balin and Dwalin sent him to Rivendell as soon as he was healed. And now…" he trailed off when he saw Bofur's face. "You know something, don't you Bof?"

"Aye Fili, I do. I've known this whole time. I was the one to ask Nori to take Kili to the elves."

Fili shook his head and smiled. "I should have guessed. And I'm guessing you are going to be the first one to volunteer to ride with me to find my nadadith?"

Bofur threw his head back and let out a loud laugh. "Damn right lad! Who else is coming?" he turned to the rest of the dwarves.

In the end, five dwarves followed Fili to the stables to tack their horses. There was Bofur, Bifur, Nori, Oin, and Gloin. Dwalin and Balin were already waiting for them with their supplies.

"I sent ravens to Dale, Mirkwood, and Beorn Fili. They are all expecting us. I thought that you would want to send Roak to Lord Elrond yourself." Balin had already mounted his pony. Fili caught the pack Dwalin threw at him, already filled with everything he would need for their journey over the mountains.

"Thank you Balin, Dwalin. I shall talk to Roak when we arrive at Dale. Is everyone ready?" A chorus of 'aye's and a grunt from Dwalin was his response. With a sly grin on his face that reminded the rest of his small company of a young dwarfling from Ered Luin, Fili swung himself into the saddle of his appaloosa and they were off.

…..::::::^:^:^:^::::::…..

**Three weeks later **

Kili watched the elves play around in the courtyard from behind the curtains in his room. He had taken Balin's words to heart and was trying to take better care of himself, but he was far from ready to play and act like he used to with the elves. Not when he was without his brother.

He was broken out of his thoughts when a series of knocks came on his door. He didn't bother calling out, because he knew the person, or more specifically _people_, would just barge in like they normally would.

And he was correct.

"Hello there Kili!" A cheery voice said behind him.

"Hello Allie Beth," He sighed. Allie Beth was a…energetic elf, to say the least. She had naturally wavy dirty blond hair that fell to her mid-back and hazel eyes that changed colors with her mood. Right now they were a brown-gold, which meant she was immensely excited about something or another.

"Well someone is in a mood today," she chipped as she flopped onto his bed. Kili sent her a glare in response. She merely laughed at him.

"When are you going to come out and play Kili? I'm so bored of beating those guys at archery." She turned so her head was hanging off the bed, brown-blond hair cascading to the floor.

"How much sugar have you had today?" Kili asked without turning from the window.

"Too much," A new voice came from the doorway. It was Allie Mae, Allie Beth's twin. I think some explanation is in order for these two elves.

Allie Mae, or more commonly known as Mae, is the elder of the two. She had curly brown hair and emerald green eyes. She was the complete opposite of her twin. While Allie Beth was bubbly and eccentric and full of energy, Mae was calm and mature, the perfect image of an elf maiden. The only things the two elleths had in common are their facial structure, their mother, their birthday, and their ability to talk to each other telepathically.

"Ah, not that much Mae. Just a few pastries that were sitting on the counter in the kitchen."

"Cook never learns, does she?" Mae shook her head before turning to Kili. "Lord Elrond has some news for you that Allie Beth was _supposed _to be telling you," she sent a look at her twin that was now jumping on Kili's bed, loose blond hair flying. Allie Beth ignored her. "He would like for you to take lunch with him in his office."

Mae was Elrond's secretary of sorts. When Lindir wasn't available, she acted as his right hand.

"I'm not hungry," came the reply from the curtains. Mae frowned. "Are you sure?" the black head nodded. Mae allowed a sly smile to creep on her face. "The news came from a raven. His name was Roak if I remember correctly."

That did the trick. Kili whipped around, matted hair flying. "What?" He whispered. Hope erupted in his chest, but he immediately squashed it down. Roak had made it clear that he would only deliver messages from the king of the Lonely Mountain. But then again, Fili could be trying to lure him out again so he can kill him.

"You heard me Kili. Roak has brought a message from King Fili himself."

Kili was out of the room before she even finished her sentence. The two sisters smiled at each other and followed him. they had already heard the message, and were happier than they had been in a long time for their friend.

Kili skidded to a stop in front of the door to Elrond's office and pounded on the door. He waited in the hallway as the voices coming from the room stopped their conversation. When Elrond called him, Kili opened the door and took in the scene before him. There was, of course, Lord Elrond, and Gandalf sitting in the corner with his pipe, and a large black bird sitting on the sill of the open window.

"Ah, Kili. Thank you for joining us. Sit down, please, and we shall fill you in."

Kili nodded at Elrond and sat in the chair he had pointed out. Gandalf sent him a warm smile from his corner, having not seen the dwarf in quite a few months. Roak watched Kili with his beady, calculating eyes, and Kili in turn watched the bird warily.

"Hello Roak," Kili said at last. "You have brought a message from my brother then?"

"Indeed," Roak croaked, nodding to the desk. "He sent you a paper, and I already told the wizard and elf what I was supposed to."

Kili looked to Elrond's desk and sure enough, there was a letter encased in brown paper sitting atop many other documents. Elrond silently picked it up and presented it to Kili, and Kili gingerly slid it out of its casing with shaking hands.

The front of the yellowed paper was decorated with a single Khuzdul rune: _Kialiain_.

Kili's breath caught and tears formed in his eyes. He had not seen that rune in years. It was his secret name, known only by him and one other. Every dwarf had one given to them at birth by Mahal. It was the key to their innermost thoughts, their emotions, their soul in general. When one told their secret name to another, they were basically placing their heart in that person's hands to do with what they wished. Of course, Fili had known Kili's from a very young age, ever since they were both young enough to understand the sacredness of the names. And in turn, Fili had given his to Kili, to lock away in his heart and never let go.

That was the only word on the paper, but it was the only word needed. There was no way Fili would have been able to write the name if he was still in the clutches of the sickness. It spoke more than a whole book of words could have. His brother was free. His brother was awake. His brother was coming for him. _His Nadad was coming for him. _

"Elrond," Kili choked out through his tears. "When…"

"They left Erebor three weeks ago. They should be out of the Misty Mountains by sunset tomorrow." Kili nodded and made to leave the room, the paper still clutched in his hand.

"Where are you going?" Gandalf called after him.

"To meet my brother!" his strong answer came. "And you can't stop me!"

Gandalf chuckled around his pipe. "I wasn't planning on it, Master Dwarf. As a matter of fact, I was wondering if I may join you."

Kili nodded and sent a questioning glance to Elrond. "No Kili. I am staying here." Kili nodded again and left for the stables. Elrond let out a quiet chuckle and glanced to the twin girls that had snuck into the room. "Allie Beth, you would go to Kili's room and fetch his bow and traveling cloak? I believe that he is going to need them but will be too distracted to fetch them himself."

Allie Beth nodded and she and Mae left, leaving Elrond alone with the raven. "Roak, thank you for the message. Would you tell King Fili that his brother is coming?" Roak nodded his black head and with a croak goodbye, took off through the window.

* * *

**AN: Would ya look at that? Another chapter so soon? Really? Nah. Oh, but it is! The great Huntress pulled through and wrote a chapter without her sister! That is why it is pathetically short and boring!**

**Legolas, stop laughing. I'm not ridiculous. Stop making me sound ridiculous! **

**Ahem. Anyways, what did you guys think? What do you think of Mae and Allie Beth? Just so you know, those two are not OCs...well, not really. Do you think I should keep them in the story? I was thinking Allie Beth is the perfect fit for Kili in his depressed state I put him in...or not. My sister is glaring at me now. She is still sick, but no less annoying. **

**R&R dearies! Out reunion is in the next chapter, promise. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Fili was sick and tired of traveling already. For once, he wanted nothing more than to be in the home of the elves, preferably with his brother well and laughing by his side. Balin had told him Rivendell was hardly a week away, but with every plod of their horse's feet, it felt as if they were taking three steps backward. They weren't, of course, but this road just seemed to be _endless._

He looked up at the sun dipping lower in the sky. It they stopped for and early night here, they could wake before the sun rose the next day and be in Rivendell before noon. He called out to the rest of his company and sent Dwalin and Bifur to scout for a place to camp.

Fili watched the horizon as they waited for the two dwarves to come back, thinking of the black-haired dwarf not a day's journey away from him. He barely noticed when Balin and Bofur shared a knowing smile, or when they silently stopped Nori, Oin, and Gloin from undoing their horse's tack. However, he did notice the two silhouettes riding over the hill, blackened against the orange sun.

One was larger than the other, with a distinctly pointed hat and cloak flowing in the wind. The other, on a much small horse than the first, looked to be a child against his tall companion; much too stocky to be a hobbit, and too short to be a man. They must be a dwarf then. Fili looked closer, and was able to make out the taller one's staff…it was Gandalf. That much was certain now. The dwarf was wearing a long coat that came over his legs, and had a bow slung over his back. His shoulder length hair blew in the wind, he didn't seem to have a beard…and the way they sat on their pony. Fili knew that figure from somewhere…and that bow, it looked so familiar. Then it struck him.

"Kili!" He bellowed at the top of his lungs. The other dwarves looked over at him in slight shock after settling their spooked horses, only to see a cloud of dirt in place of their king. Fili had let his horse break into a gallop at soon as he recognized his brother.

Kili looked up from his pony's mane when he heard the shout, and was surprised to see a figure on a pony racing toward him. "Fili…" he breathed out. He froze, was that really his brother? Or was he hallucinating? He wasn't sure until he heard Gandalf's chuckle.

"Give me your reigns, Kili. Don't keep your brother waiting any longer." Kili wasted no time in doing as the wizard said, and throwing his leg over the saddle, ran to the charging horse as fast as he was able to go in his weakened state. "Fili!" He called to blond.

Fili jumped off his horse as Kili started running towards him. His brother's steps were slightly uneven and he seemed to stumble, but the two dwarves never broke eye contact. When they were mere meters apart, Kili collapsed, and Fili was barely able to catch him in time.

"Fili! My nadad! You idiot! You complete, utter, wonderful idiot!" Kili sobbed as Fili slowly lowered the two of them to the ground. When he was sure his knees were able to support him, Kili turned around and threw him arms around his brother. "Don't ever, _ever_ make me leave you like that again."

"I don't plan on it nadadith," Fili murmured into his brother's hair. He stroked the black hair buried in his chest soothingly as Kili's body wracked with sobs. "Only if you promise that you will never leave me alone."

"I promise Fee. I will never leave you again. They will have to drag me away kicking and screaming. I missed you so much Nadad. I felt like I was constantly under water, and nothing could pull me out. I needed you Fee. I needed someone to have my back," he looked up at Fili. "I was so lost," He whispered wetly.

"I know nadadith, I know." Fili pulled Kili up so he could see his face. For a moment he thought he was looking at a stranger. His baby brother did not have those sunken cheeks, that grey complexion, the hollow eyes. He grabbed the hands gripping his tunic; they were cold and he could feel the bones in them. His brother had turned into a walking corpse. He was positive that if he took off his coat and tunic, he would find the same grey skin and bones, nothing else.

"Kili, what happened to you? When did this happen?" Kili looked at him with those hollow eyes, pain and confusion swirled in them. Then he realized; this would never have happened if he was stronger. Kili _had been_ lost. He hadn't known what to do without his older brother there to guide him. Fili never fully realized it, but Kili had always depended on him, just as he couldn't function without his nadadith.

He stood up and stumbled away from his brother. "Mahal…I did this."

Kili watched his brother bury his face in his hands and let out a heartbroken cry. His hands gripped his golden hair and tears started running down his face. "Fili, no…" he tried to console him, but his brother didn't hear him.

"I did this to you nadadith! I pushed you away! You needed me and I wasn't there! It's my fault you are like this! My fault you are so broken! MY FAULT! If…if only I had been stronger! Thorin would never have done something like this! He would never have…never have hurt you…" Fili broke off with a sob.

Kili shakily stood up and walked to his brother. He rested his hand on Fili's arm, but Fili jerked away. Kili stood there, mouth agape and body frozen in shock. His brother _never_ pulled away from him. Even when they were children, and Fili had been mad enough to throw him in the river, he never jerked away from his brother's comforting touch.

"Fee?"

"I…I…don't…don't touch me Kili! I…don't…I can't hurt you again!"

"Fili stop this! You're being stupid!"

"Am I nadadith? If you get close to me, I might fall again and would hurt you _again_! It would be better for both of us if you just…just…just stay away!"

"FILI!" Kili couldn't stand it anymore. He had spent a year hidden away from his family in the Lonely Mountain, with only a pair of abnormal elf twins and an all-knowing elf lord for company. Now he had his brother back, but he was acting like a complete idiot. Well, more of an idiot than normal that is.

"Fili son of Dis! Do you even _hear_ yourself? You want me to _distance_ myself from you so I won't get hurt? What about you? Will you stop being selfless for once?"

Fili looked at his brother with wet eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? You're the one spouting nonsense! If I 'stayed away' as you put it, who would benefit from it? Huh? Think about it!"

Fili just stared at him blankly. Kili rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fili, I just about died when I learned that I had to leave Erebor, and you, behind. I had to spend a year with elves, healing and believing that I had nothing to live for. And I didn't. I had no home, I am too weak to travel to the Blue Mountains, all dwarves except for a few thought me dead, and my own brother, that I had depended on my whole life to always be there, had disowned me. And if you are telling me I will be better off with the elves than by my brother's side, you are a bigger idiot than I thought."

Kili broke off when a bout of coughing racked his body and made his lungs spasm. Fili rushed forward and wrapped his arms around him before he could collapse again. "But Fili," he rasped. "The thing that hurt me most, that just about killed me, was not being with you. I need to be by your side Fee. It's the only thing I have ever known to do." Kili coughed again and Fili tightened his grip around his shoulders.

"Hush Kee, you're making yourself sick," Kili shook his head. "Fili, you don't understand you idiot!"

"I do Kili. I'm sorry. I am just really upset and not really thinking about what I'm saying." Fili whispered as more coughs shook his brother's body.

"Good," Kili wheezed before doubling over in his brother's arms.

"Kili? What's wrong?" But even before he finished his question, Fili saw the blood spattering Kili's hands. "Kili!"

"I…I'm fine," Kili choked out around his coughing. "No you're not! Don't you dare lie to me! Oin!" Fili shouted to his healer.

Oin was kneeling by his side in a minute. "What's wrong?"

"That's what I want to know," Fili adjusted his brother so he was in a more upright position. "He just started coughing and now blood is coming out…" Fili broke off when his brother suddenly went limp.

"Kili! Oin, what's wrong with him?"

"'m…'m fine Fee…tired's all…" Kili struggled to sit up. Fili pulled him up and helped him lean against his chest. "Kili, I already told you not to lie to me. What is wrong?"

"Fili, he never fully recovered his strength after leaving Erebor. His lungs are weak, and his blood pressure tends to drop drastically from time to time. I believe the stress and excitement of seeing you again has triggered it to drop now."

"How do we fix it?"

"I believe that the only way is to let him rest for a few hours, and then we make for Rivendell to let him finish healing before going back home."

Fili nodded. He would much rather go back to Erebor now, where he had scores of dwarf healers and medics, but would not risk his brother's health for anything.

"Dwalin, get my roll out of my pack and lay it by the fire." Dwalin nodded and left to do as his king told him.

"Fili?" Kili whispered.

"Hush Kee. You need to rest."

"Am I really gonna go home now?"

Fili kissed the head resting on his chest. "Of course you are nadadith. And you're never going to leave again."

Dwalin helped Kili stand up and move over to Fili's bed roll, while Fili walked over to talk to the wizard.

"Gandalf," Gandalf looked up from his pipe. "Hello King Fili,"

"Don't call me that," Fili winced. "I've hardly deserved the title."

Gandalf hummed in thought. "If I may be so bold, but I do disagree."

"How so?"

"Well, it has been over a year since your coronation, and the mountain has not burned yet."

"That hardly matters. I kicked my own brother out!"

"After stabbing him, yes."

"You're not helping."

"Helping with what?"

"Nothing, that's what I just said!"

"I wasn't aware I was supposed to be helping with anything."

Fili threw his hands up in exasperation before turning around and walking to where his brother was being tended to by Oin.

"Kili, look at me lad, you need to drink this,"

Kili's eyes remained shut. "Kili, are you alright?" one eye peeked open and looked at the blond hovering over him. "Kili, did you hear me?"

Kili nodded feebly. "I don' wanna drin' it," he rasped out. Fili looked to the healer. "What are you trying to give him?"

"An infusion I concocted myself. Good for energy and easy breathing." Fili nodded and helped his brother sit up. "Kili, you need to drink it. Please nadadith,"

Kili scowled before opening his mouth slightly. Fili helped Oin tip the vial into his brother's mouth and then helped Kili to wash it down with water from his own flask. When the healer left them, Fili pulled Kili to him so that he could lean against his chest. Kili turned to grab Fili's coat and rest his head on his older brother's shoulder, as if he was a child again.

"Nadad?"

"Yeah Kili?"

"I still think you're an idiot."

Fili laughed then, the first time he had truly laughed in over a year. "I know Kee. I think I'm an idiot too." He felt Kili smile against his neck. "I'm glad you're back Fee,"

"As am I Kili," Fili murmured, resting his head on top of his brother's. As they sat there, Fili thought that life was now perfect. His kingdom was successful, his friends were safe, and he had his brother back; what more could go wrong?

* * *

**AN: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG GUESS WHAT GUESS WHATG GUESS WHAT! THIS STORY HAS 60 REVIEWS! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I LOVE you guys!**

**Now give me more reviews! Tell me what you think of this chapter! Too much Kili whump? I thought so. But I saw the # of reviews and was so excited I didn't bother editing any more. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Fili soon found out that there was _so_ much that could go wrong. First, one of their pack ponies lost a shoe, and the other one somehow developed a severe stone bruise. He is still trying to figure out how that happened. Then, after distributing their packs and supplies among the rest of their mounts, Fili had more troubles attack him, in the form of his brother.

"Kili, wake up. We need to leave."

No response.

"Kili, I know you can hear me nadadith. It's time to go to Rivendell."

Kili didn't so much as twitch.

"Kili?" Fili shook his shoulder more forcefully. "Kili, wake up. This isn't funny."

Kili did respond to this, but not in the way Fili would have liked. He lurched upright, almost hitting Fili's head with his, and careened over to the side, blood spewing from his mouth.

"Kili? Oin! Get over here!" the healer was by his side in less than a minute. "Fili, hold him up; his arms are still too weak to support his full weight."

Fili wrapped his arms around his brother, holding the fevered dwarf to his chest. Kili thrashed against his arms, caught up in the shadows of a nightmare still. "Kili, calm down nadadith. I'm here, Nadad's here now. You're alright,"

"Fee?" Kili rasped out, his throat raw from the blood. "Aye, little brother. I am here."

Oin ran his hands along Kili's neck and chest, poking and prodding, and didn't seem pleased with what he found. "His lungs are inflamed and his blood pressure is rising rapidly. We need to get to Rivendell _now_." Fili nodded, and gently helped his brother roll back onto his bed roll. He looked up at the warrior standing protectively close to the two brothers.

"Dwalin, prepare two ponies. Leave all unnecessary equipment behind. You and I are going to ride to the elves with Kili and the rest of the company can follow with our supplies." Dwalin and the rest of the dwarves jumped into action at their king's command, breaking camp and preparing their two sturdiest ponies for the three dwarves.

Fili crouched down next to his little brother, wincing at the harsh grimace of pain etching Kili's brow. "Kili, where does it hurt?"

Kili's eyes cracked open, but they seemed to have trouble focusing on Fili's face. "Fee?"

"Aye brother, can you sit up?"

"Dush, Fee. Dush,"

"What? Kili, the sun is up. How can you think it's dark?"

"My…my head Nadad. Dush."

"You're still not making any sense Nadadith."

Kili groaned in frustration and pain. Why couldn't Fili understand? He felt his brother's comforting hand smoothing the fringe off his throbbing temple, soaked from sweat. He turned his eyes into the cool embrace, gracious for the temporary reprieve from the glaring sun.

"Kili, it's not even that hot out. Look, clouds are covering the sun now."

Had he said that out loud?

Fili was past worried by now. He was frantic. His brother's eyes were rolling in his head, and he had a hard time focusing on his voice. He did draw comfort in the fact that Kili's hand was strongly gripping his, showing that he was still in the present time.

Dwalin led his horse over to the two boys, and held Kili upright as Fili scrambled onto the tall horse. "I shall meet you in Rivendell," Fili said to Balin as Dwalin passed a moaning Kili to him. Balin nodded. "We shall follow as soon as we have broken camp."

Fili sent a tight smile at the two dwarrows before turning his horse and riding to the elven valley, his brother clutched safely in his arms.

"You will be fine, Kili, because this time, I shall not leave you."

* * *

**AN: Hello there my dear readers! Thank you guys so much for being patient with this chapter. I'm sorry for the crappy shortness and the terribly long update time :-) I have had a few set backs though and was not able to type for a while.**

**You know what, I just realized that you people might want a few translations, yeah? **

**Dush: dark/black/shadows**

**Nadad: brother**

**Nadadith: Little brother (Brother that is little)**

**Men lananubukhs menu: I love you**

**Menu gamut khed: You are a wonderful person**

**I came up with the concept of secret names on my own, such as Kialiain (Kee-al-i-a-in)(Kili) and Felaghan (Fe-lah-an)(Fili). You may reuse them and the concept of them in your own stories if you wish, but please do not claim them as your own idea. **

**Don't worry readers, this is not the end! I still have many plans for these two! **

**Review my lovelies, and Kili might get better soon! **

**~Huntress**


	11. Very Important AN please read

**VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE!**

Hello to everyone reading this. This is not a chapter, in case you're wondering. THis is not Huntress either. My name is ALlie Beth, Huntress's sister. I just realized that you are probably wondering why Huntress hasn't updated any of her stories lately, and it is because she has been in the hospital. She was in a wreck a few weeks ago, and she started recovering, but then she had a major fallback and we are not sure if she will make it without brain damage. No one will tell me the details, so please don't ask for any. I would really appreciate any prayers you can send our way, and I will also answer any PMs that want updates on her health. Thank you.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Hey there, everyone. Once again, I am sorry to tell you that this is not Huntress, but Allie Beth. I am also sorry to say that I have brought you guys some bad news. As most of you know, Huntress has been in the hospital for quite a while now, and a few weeks ago she actually slipped into a coma. Well, on the morning of July 7, I woke up to find out that Huntress had left in her sleep. We held a beautiful service for her last Friday. I am pretty sure she is up in Heaven laughing her butt off at what a crybaby I'm being right now, but I do know for certain that she loved all of her faithful followers and reviewers, and we are so thankful for all the support you have given us these past few weeks. Thank you.

~Allie Beth

P.S. Just so you guys know, I am still going to use this account to write and post stories, but I may tweak the username to be HuntressofHope, or something similar. I just don't really want to use her username for multiple reasons. :-)


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